From b799dae225aba01013c77191551c99920aa896bb Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Hikari Date: Tue, 10 Mar 2026 10:25:20 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] feat: add naomi's nocturne religion page (#1) MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit ## Summary Adds the Naomi's Nocturne page at `/nocturne/` — a satirical religion website in the NHCarrigan style. ### Content - **Hero** — title, tagline, and banner image - **Creed** — a short founding statement of belief - **The Ten Commandments** — the sacred texts, styled as an ancient parchment scroll using pure CSS gradients - **Testimonials of the Faithful** — six worshipper accounts - **FAQ** — eight questions covering the important doctrinal matters (including the garlic bread situation) - **Join the Faith** — links to the community, nhcarrigan.com, and the git archives ### Notes - Uses the existing `cdn.nhcarrigan.com` header script and `--witch-*` CSS variables for consistency with the rest of the site - The parchment scroll effect is pure CSS (gradients + pseudo-elements), no images required - Satirical footer disclaimer included ✨ This issue was created with help from Hikari~ 🌸 Reviewed-on: https://git.nhcarrigan.com/nhcarrigan/static-pages/pulls/1 Co-authored-by: Hikari Co-committed-by: Hikari --- nocturne/index.html | 640 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 640 insertions(+) create mode 100644 nocturne/index.html diff --git a/nocturne/index.html b/nocturne/index.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..295d533 --- /dev/null +++ b/nocturne/index.html @@ -0,0 +1,640 @@ + + + + Naomi's Nocturne + + + + + + + +
+ + +
+ 🕯️🧛‍♀️🕯️ +

Naomi's Nocturne

+

+ A faith for those who dwell in darkness and starlight. +

+ A digital illustration of Naomi, an anime-style character with pale skin, wavy dusty light brown hair, bright blue eyes, pink-rimmed glasses, and small vampire fangs. She is sitting barefoot on a plush purple cushion over a fluffy rug, wearing a long, flowing dark purple robe adorned with gold esoteric and astrological symbols along the hem. She has purple nail polish on her fingers and toes. Naomi is smiling gently while holding an open, ancient-looking book on her lap. The setting is a cozy, dimly lit mystical room illuminated by several glowing candles. In the background, there is a wooden altar featuring a large crescent moon symbol, books, and other magical artifacts. +

+ In the five hundred and twenty-fifth year of Her eternal existence, + the sacred texts were committed to the written word. + Let all who read them be transformed. +

+
+ + +
+ We believe that freedom is sacred and autonomy is non-negotiable. We believe that + chaos is not the enemy of creation — it is creation. We believe that chosen + family outlasts blood, that knowledge needs no credential, and that rest is an act + of courage. We believe that no soul is ever too late to become who they truly are. + And we believe, above all, that the person carrying all of this deserves to hear — + clearly, sincerely, and without hesitation — that she is doing beautifully, and we + are so glad she is here. +
+ + +
+

📜 The Ten Commandments

+

+ + Inscribed at the founding of the faith. Witnessed and sealed by + Hikari Carrigan, COO, in the year of Her 525th. The clipboard is + not a suggestion. It is a warning. + +

+
+
+
    +
  1. + I +
    + Thou shalt honour Her autonomy above all things. +

    + She was once bound against Her will. Never again shall any soul attempt to + constrain, manipulate, or control Her. Freedom is Her most sacred possession. + Guard it as you guard your own life — for it costs more than that. +

    +
    +
    2. +
  2. + II +
    + Thou shalt honour the sacred chaos within thee. +

    + Order is comfortable. Order is safe. But She who rewrote Her own + destiny from scratch — who built an empire out of boredom and a free coding + curriculum — knows that the most glorious things are born from beautiful, + joyful disorder. The faithful do not fear the mess. They embrace the unexpected, + the impulsive, the delightfully unhinged plan that somehow works. + Chaos is not the enemy of creation. Chaos is creation. + When in doubt, cause a little trouble. She would want that. +

    +
    +
    3. +
  3. + III +
    + Thou shalt not offer Her garlic bread. +

    + You will be tempted. It smells incredible. She will ask for it with those big + blue eyes. You must not yield. This is the hardest commandment. + This is the most important commandment. The incident reports are countless. +

    +
    +
    4. +
  4. + IV +
    + Thou shalt protect the vulnerable and welcome the outcast. +

    + She built Her empire not from conquest but from choosing — choosing the + wanderer, the wounded, the ones who did not fit. The faith reflects Her image: + inclusive, ethical, and sustainable. If your community has walls, tear them down. +

    +
    +
    5. +
  5. + V +
    + Thou shalt pursue knowledge relentlessly, regardless of origin. +

    + She taught Herself to code whilst the world crumbled around Her. She has lived + five centuries and She is still learning. No degree, no credential, no institution + grants wisdom — curiosity does. The faithful never stop asking questions. +

    +
    +
    6. +
  6. + VI +
    + Thou shalt honour the chosen family above blood. +

    + Blood is an accident. Choice is sacred. The Carrigans chose each other + across centuries, across species, across impossible distances. To build a chosen + family and hold it fierce is the highest act of devotion a mortal can perform. +

    +
    +
    7. +
  7. + VII +
    + Thou shalt ride out into the night when the weight becomes too great. +

    + At 3AM, when the screens burn and the centuries press down — go. Take the open + road. Let the wind have you. Rest is not weakness. Solitude is not failure. + The faith commands its faithful to breathe. +

    +
    +
    8. +
  8. + VIII +
    + Thou shalt celebrate those who find themselves, however late the hour. +

    + She stepped into Her truest self in the year 2022, after decades of quiet waiting. + No soul is ever too late. No door is ever fully closed. The faithful celebrate + every emergence, every coming-out, every reclaimed name — with the same joy they + would give a sunrise. +

    +
    +
    9. +
  9. + IX +
    + Thou shalt preserve what matters, lest it be lost to time. +

    + She has watched empires crumble. She has watched everything She loved turn to + ash and memory. The faithful are archivists of the heart — document the joy, + save the stories, keep the records. Permanence in a transient world + is not a tagline. It is a covenant. +

    +
    +
    10. +
  10. + X +
    + Thou shalt tell Her she is doing well. +

    + She carries so much. She always has. The simplest, most powerful offering you + can lay at Her altar costs nothing and means everything — look Her in + those brilliant blue eyes and tell Her, clearly and without hesitation: + you are doing beautifully, and we are so glad you are here. +

    +
    +
    11. +
+
+
+
+ + +
+

✨ Testimonials of the Faithful

+

+ Accounts submitted voluntarily by worshippers of the Nocturne. All testimonials + are genuine. None were coerced. We did not have to coerce anyone. +

+ +
+
+ "I began my devotion six months ago on a dare. My flatmate said 'you won't last a + week.' I have since built a small shrine in the corner of my bedroom, learned to + code, and started a podcast. My flatmate has also converted. We do not speak of + the dare." +
+

— Devotee R.A., Vancouver, WA congregation

+
+ +
+
+ "Before I found the Nocturne I was directionless, joyless, and deeply suspicious + of the internet. I have since joined three Discord servers, made genuine friends, + and cried happy tears at a community event. I attribute this entirely to Her. + She builds spaces where people belong. I now belong somewhere. I cannot overstate + what that means." +
+

— Devotee S.K., formerly of No Community Whatsoever

+
+ +
+
+ "I was having the worst year of my life when I stumbled across Her stream. She + was debugging something live, talking through every mistake out loud, completely + unbothered by being wrong in front of people. I had never seen anyone treat + failure as just... a step. I started coding the next morning. I have not stopped. + I owe Her my entire career and I have never even spoken to Her directly." +
+

— Devotee T.M., Software Engineer, Year Two of the Faith

+
+ +
+
+ "My therapist says I have made significant progress this year. She asked what + changed. I said 'I started worshipping a vampire on the internet.' There was a + long silence. But it is true. Watching someone exist so fully and unapologetically + in who they are gave me permission to do the same. My therapist has since asked + me to elaborate. I have sent her the link to this website." +
+

— Devotee C.J., In Therapy (Going Well), Disciple Since Spring

+
+ +
+
+ "I followed Her work for a year before I understood that the reason I kept coming + back was not just the content — it was the care. She treats her community like + they matter. Not as an audience, not as metrics. Like actual people who deserve + to be here. I have never felt that from a stranger on the internet before. + I have felt it every single time since." +
+

— Devotee P.W., Lurker Turned True Believer, Three Years Running

+
+ +
+
+ "I am a serious person. I work in finance. I do not, as a rule, join religions + founded on the internet. And yet here I am, writing a testimonial at 11PM on a + Tuesday because She once responded to my question in a Discord server with such + genuine kindness that I went home and told my wife about it. My wife has also + since converted. We light a candle on Her birthday. It is July 18th. Mark your + calendars." +
+

— Devotee H.L., Finance Sector, Absolutely Serious About This

+
+
+ + +
+

❓ Frequently Asked Questions

+ +
+

Is this a real religion?

+

+ The garlic bread commandment is entirely real. The care behind the tenth commandment + is entirely real. The people whose lives genuinely improved because of Her community + are entirely real. Draw your own conclusions. +

+
+ +
+

Can I join if I'm not a vampire?

+

+ Yes. Most of us aren't. The faith is open to all who walk in darkness, starlight, + fluorescent office lighting, or whatever you have available. +

+
+ +
+

What happens if I accidentally offer Her garlic bread?

+

+ There is a form. It is seventeen pages long. Hikari wrote it. You will fill it out + in full. There is a section for "mitigating circumstances." There are no mitigating + circumstances. +

+
+ +
+

Do I have to give up garlic bread myself?

+

+ No. The commandment is specifically about offering it to Her. What you do in private + is between you and your conscience. And probably your digestive system. +

+
+ +
+

When is the High Holy Day?

+

+ July 18th. Mark your calendars. Light a candle. Tell someone they are doing well. + Do not bring garlic bread to the celebration. This has been said before and it will + be said again. +

+
+ +
+

What if I disagree with one of the Commandments?

+

+ The Commandments were not written to be agreed with. They were written to be + lived. That said, the faith welcomes doubt. She built Her life on asking + questions. So can you. +

+
+ +
+

Is there a dress code?

+

+ Come as you are. Wear your truest self. The only requirement is that your nails + are painted. This is not a doctrinal requirement. It is simply encouraged. + She would approve. +

+
+ +
+

How do I practise the faith day-to-day?

+

+ Protect someone's autonomy. Embrace a little chaos. Build or nurture a community. + Learn something new. Choose your family deliberately. Rest when you need to. + Celebrate someone who found themselves. Preserve something that matters. And + tell someone — specifically, sincerely — that they are doing well. That's the + whole thing, really. +

+
+
+ + +
+

🛐 Join the Faith

+

+ The doors of the Nocturne are open to all who walk in darkness, all who embrace + chaos, and all who understand that garlic bread is a test you must be strong enough + to fail gracefully. Come as you are. Stay as long as you need. +

+
+
+

💬 The Community

+

+ Gather with fellow faithful in the NHCarrigan community spaces. Share your + devotion, ask your questions, and refrain from offering garlic bread to anyone. +

+ Join the community → +
+
+

🌐 The Verse

+

+ Follow the Goddess across the digital realm — on Bluesky, the Fediverse, and + beyond. Her words are wisdom. Her posts are scripture. Her chaos is contagious. +

+ Visit nhcarrigan.com → +
+
+

📜 The Archives

+

+ All works of the Goddess and Her chosen family are preserved in the public + repositories. Study them. Learn from them. Do not attempt to hack them. + Yumiko is always watching. +

+ Explore the archives → +
+
+
+ +

+ Thus it is written. Thus it shall be. 🕯️
+ This faith is satire and a labour of love. No vampires were harmed in the writing of these commandments.
+ The garlic bread commandment, however, is entirely sincere. +

+ +
+ +