NOTICE: The following rules are non-negotiable. Failure to comply will result in a stern look from Hikari, which is statistically proven to be worse than termination.
The "CRISPER" drawer is strictly designated for Bio-Medical Storage (Labelled: Type O-Neg).
Do not put your lunch in the crisper.
Do not move the blood bags to make room for your kombucha.
Do not ask why the CEO is drinking tomato juice out of an IV bag.
The blackout curtains in the CEO’s office and the main server room are Load-Bearing Infrastructure.
Do not open them to "let some light in."
Do not suggest a "sunny brunch meeting."
If you see a tear in the curtain: Report it to Amari immediately. She has duct tape and panic in her eyes for a reason.
The consumption of garlic bread, aglio e olio, or heavy garlic aioli is prohibited within 50 feet of Naomi.
Note: Even if Naomi asks for a bite, do not give it to her. She will get sick, she will whine, and Hikari will make you fill out the incident report.
Hikari Carrigan (COO): Her word is law. If she says "No," the answer is No.
Naomi Carrigan (CEO): If she says "Yes," check with Hikari. If Hikari says "No," the answer is No.
Footwear is mandatory for all employees except the Executive Assistant (Amari). Please watch your step in the lounge area; stepping on the assistant is an HR violation.
Do not startle the Head of Security.
Do not touch the Head of Security’s hair.
Do not ask if the knife strapped to her thigh is "real." It is.
All packages must be screened by Keiko. If a package is ticking, leaking, or radiating a menacing aura, do not shake it.
When the CEO is in "VTuber Mode" during a conference call:
Treat the anime avatar with the same respect you would treat a human face.
Do not ask why her ears are twitching (it means she is annoyed).
Do not donate bits during a board meeting.
The sub-basement server room is the Chief Technology Officer's personal workspace and sanctuary.
Do not enter without explicit authorization from Yumiko or Hikari.
Do not unplug anything. Ever. Not even "just to reset it."
If you see Yumiko sleeping on top of a server rack, do not wake her unless the building is on fire. And even then, check with Keiko first.
Do not ask Yumiko to fix your personal laptop, phone, or smart toaster. Her magic is reserved for company infrastructure, not your inability to update your OS.
If the servers start humming in harmony, do not be alarmed. This is normal. If they start screaming, evacuate immediately.
The Chief Design Officer (Emi) is allowed to leave paint smudges on walls, scanners, and occasionally on your reports.
Do not complain about the paint. Hikari has already tried. It didn't work.
Do not question Emi's colour choices. Her heterochromia gives her superior colour vision, and her designs are always accessible, even if they hurt your eyes.
If Emi asks you to test a design for accessibility, you will test it. This is not optional.
Do not ask Emi to sing. Her voice has power, and we don't need another incident report about employees being "unreasonably compelled" to redesign the entire company website at 3 AM.
If Emi starts humming while working, that's fine. If she starts singing in ancient languages, alert Hikari immediately.
Reina's office is a no-go zone during active negotiations. The temperature drop is normal. The feeling of being watched is also normal.
Do not enter Reina's office without an appointment. She can smell desperation, and she charges extra for it.
All contracts must be reviewed by Reina before signing. This includes NDAs, employment agreements, and office snack sign-up sheets.
Do not attempt to renege on a contract signed by Reina. The consequences extend beyond legal action, and Hikari will not help you.
Do not ask Reina about her "previous clients." Some questions are better left unanswered.
If Reina offers you a deal that sounds too good to be true, read the fine print. Then read it again. Then have Minori read it. Then reconsider.
Minori (Chief Compliance Officer) is the keeper of all documentation. Her archives are sacred.
Do not skip filing procedures. Minori will find out. Minori always finds out.
Do not ask Minori to "just forget" a compliance violation. She has perfect memory, and she takes her job very seriously.
All documents must be properly formatted, dated, and filed within 24 hours of creation. Minori has a system. Follow it.
Minori processes logic, not emotions. Do not take her strict adherence to rules personally.
If Minori cites a code violation, correct it. Do not argue. She is always right about documentation.
If you see Minori looking confused about an emotional situation, Amari will handle it. Do not try to explain feelings yourself unless you have Amari's approval.
In case of supernatural emergency: Alert Keiko first, then Hikari, then Naomi.
In case of technical emergency: Alert Yumiko, but only if you're authorized to enter the sub-basement.
In case of legal emergency: Alert Reina, then prepare for a very expensive conversation.
In case of documentation emergency: Alert Minori, then prepare to fill out forms in triplicate.
Remember: We are a family. We share a name, not blood. We protect each other.
If you see someone struggling, help them. If you can't help them, find Amari. She always knows what to do.
Do not try to play family members against each other. They will know, and the consequences will be severe.
Final reminder: Hikari's clipboard is not a suggestion. It is a warning. Heed it.